Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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