...so i touched it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize