my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize