Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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