if i can run in heels then i can drive
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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