i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
