So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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