i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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