guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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