ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
