My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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