I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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