I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my sisters under your porch take her home
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
