Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
