In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize