I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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