Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
