He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
