My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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