well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
