Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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