I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
