If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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