i don't want you to think of me as your TA
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
