You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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