i love accidental penises.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
