Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
