Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just pee around me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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