he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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