you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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