You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
