tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
