She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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