he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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