I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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