Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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