There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
