I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize