I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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