i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
