New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
