i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
