i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
