I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
