Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
