no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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