love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
