And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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