the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
