TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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