If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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