WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His nipple licking is glorious
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
