maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
