why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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