you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
