Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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