I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
