Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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