i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
