i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
