On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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