too bad you live with your parents still
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
