I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
