Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
