Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
