And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
