By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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